Funny Guy Pointing to His Head Shazaam

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Shazam! (2019)

[Shazam and Freddy confront armed robbers in convenience store]

Shazam: Gentlemen, why use guns when we can handle this like real men?

[Shazam takes gun of out robber's hand]

Freddy Freeman: Billy, look out!

[the other robber shoots him, the bullet ricochets off him]

Freddy Freeman: Bullet immunity. You have bullet immunity!

Shazam: [shocked] I'm bulletproof.

[they both laugh before Shazam's expression suddenly turns serious]

Freddy Freeman: [filming on his phone] Today is December 8th, and this video proof of authenticity. Shoot him again.

Shazam: [hands back the robber's gun] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, here. Go. Both of you! Come on. Go to town.

Freddy Freeman: Wait, wait, wait. We still don't know if the suit is bulletproof, or if you are. Shoot him in the face.

Shazam: Shoot me in the face. In the face?

[both robbers shoot Shazam in his face and the bullets ricochet off him]

Shazam: It kinda tickles.

[turning back to the robbers]

Shazam: You're dead.

[both robbers fly out the window in front of a couple]

Shazam: [walking out of store with junk food] Sorry about your window.

Freddy Freeman: Have a good night!

Shazam: But you're welcome for not getting robbed!

Shazam: Say my name!

Freddy Freeman,Mary Bromfield,Darla Dudley,Pedro Peña,Eugene Choi: BILLY!

Shazam: No, no! Not my name, the name I said to transform into this guy!

Freddy Freeman,Mary Bromfield,Darla Dudley,Pedro Peña,Eugene Choi: SHAZAM!

Freddy Freeman: Flight or invisibility. If you could have one superpower, flight or invisibility, what would you pick? I mean, everybody chooses flight. You know why?

Billy Batson: So they can fly away from this conversation?

Freddy Freeman: No, no, 'cause heroes fly. And who doesn't want people to think they're a hero, right? But invisibility, no way. That's pervy. Spying around on people who don't even know you're there. Sneaking around everywhere. It's a total villian power, right?

Freddy Freeman: [meets Billy; about his and Billy's foster parents] They seem nice, but don't buy it. It gets real Game of Thrones around here.

Billy Batson: [becomes nervous]

Freddy Freeman: Dude, just messing around! You look at me and you're like, "Why so dark? You're a disabled foster kid, you got it all!"

Shazam: [Shooting lightning bolts, to the tempo of the opening notes of "Eye Of The Tiger" from "Rocky"] Hands, lighting with my hands, lighting with my hands.

Mister Mind: [laughs] Primitive symbols. You walking, talking monkeys with your cave drawings, you assume there's only one means to gain magic. No, no, no, there are more ways than a mind can imagine.

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: What in God's name...?

Mister Mind: I name the gods, Doctor, not the other way around. Oh, what fun we're going to have together. The Seven Realms will soon be ours.

Freddy Freeman: Hey! Covering her mouth like you're gonna kidnap her is not gonna make her less scared, okay?

Shazam: Darla, it's me. It's Billy. I know I don't look like me. A wizard made me like look this.

Freddy Freeman: Maybe don't start with "wizard." It's just gonna make her more confused.

Freddy Freeman: Some old guy brought me to a temple and he made me say, "Shazam."

[turns back into Billy]

Freddy Freeman: Verbally triggered body-manipulation properties! You can switch by saying, "Shazam."

Shazam: I can't talk to fish! Even if I could, I mean, honestly, what could we do with that that's cool?

Freddy Freeman: [wearing an Aquaman shirt] I don't know, maybe command an army of billions from the ocean?

Shazam: Oh yeah... well, that's not THAT cool.

Freddy Freeman: All right, well, I feel like every criminal is either on drugs or asleep by now. Wanna head home?

Shazam: Looking like this?

Freddy Freeman: Well, yeah, I mean, usually, we'd have a lair to go back to, but that's long-term. Right now, we have a bunk bed.

Rosa Vasquez: Please don't say anything weird to Billy.

Freddy Freeman: You mean like how the Romans used to brush their teeth with their own urine?

Freddy Freeman: You know, I like you like this. This is so cool. I mean, no offense, but, like, at first you were kinda like the opposite of how Darla is.

Shazam: A dick?

Freddy Freeman: Your words. Not mine. But yeah.

[Sivana chases Shazam in the air, then they see each other a mile away]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Enough games, boy. You think a pack of children can...

[Shazam cannot hear Sivana]

Shazam: Wait, what?

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: You will beg for mercy as I feast on your heart... slow.

Shazam: Are you making some big evil guy speech right now or something? You're like, a mile away from me right now. There's cars and trucks.

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: I will have the world eating out of the palm of my hand...

Shazam: All I see is mouth moving. I don't hear any...

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Only I have the power to unleash...

Shazam: Ah, whatever. Screw it.

[Shazam and Sivana charge towards each other]

Shazam: [to a female passerby] Oh, hey. What's up? I'm a superhero.

Freddy Freeman: Yeah, his name is, uh, Captain Sparklefingers.

Shazam: No, it's not. No, it's not! That's not my name. Hey, we should hang out. We're, like the same age.

Shazam: So this is like the Seven Deadly Sins, right? I mean, I've never been great at math, but, uh, the big angry one, that's Wrath, yeah? And then Gluttony, obvi. Pride, Greed, Sloth, Lust, who I thought was gonna be way hotter, if I'm being honest. But that's only six. Where's lucky number seven? Where's little man? Where's Envy? Is he just scared of me and my family because we're so awesome? Because I get that. Like, the other sins, they get to come out and fight, because they're big and strong and scary. But Envy... he's just the runt.

[Envy's face emerges out of Sivana's body before disappearing. Shazam and Sivana then float]

Shazam: And that's why all the other Sins never invite him out to play, man. Because they all know who'd win.

[Sivana charges his fists]

Shazam: And it's not weak, worthless, ugly Envy.

[Envy exits Sivana's body to charge at Shazam, causing Sivana to fall and hang on the ledge of the building]

Shazam: [at the Philadelphia Museum of Art] I can see why Rocky climbed up all the way here.

Shazam: [to Doctor Thaddeus Sivana] You're like a bad guy, right?

[Shazam saves Mary from being hit by a snow plow]

Mary Bromfield: Oh, my God.

Shazam: Mary... Mary, are you okay? Are you...

Mary Bromfield: How do you know my name?

Shazam: Uh... How do I know your name? Uh... One of my superpowers is name-guessing. Which is really weird, I bet. Uh, it's not as cool as super-strength or super-speed, but it's really helpful when I meet new people. Are you hurt?

Mary Bromfield: No, I'm okay. Thank you. Um... I just need a second to think. This has been such a weird day.

Shazam: Um, using my powers of super-observation, I see that you're holding a letter from a college in your hand. Are you upset because you didn't get in?

Mary Bromfield: [shakes her head, then nods] I got in.

Shazam: Uh... well, now my superpowers are failing me and I am very confused.

Mary Bromfield: Yeah. Me too. I don't know. I know I should be excited 'cause this is my dream and I've worked really, really hard for this, but it's like... I don't know. Leaving my family does not feel fun, you know?

Shazam: Could I, could I give you a little piece of advice? Don't be worried about everybody else. Always look out for number one. Gandhi said that.

Mary Bromfield: I don't think he said that.

Shazam: Yeah, he did.

Mary Bromfield: Gandhi did not say.

Shazam: Somebody like Gandhi said that.

Mary Bromfield: Take care of number one.

Shazam: It was a really wise... It might've been Yoda. Listen...

Mary Bromfield: I'm sorry, no.

Shazam: Agree to disagree. The point is, you do you, you know? You gotta look out for you. And get as far away from this place as you can.

Mary Bromfield: I don't know if I want to.

Shazam: Of course you do. What're you gonna do? You're gonna live in a group home for the rest of your life?

[pause]

Shazam: Look, families are for people who can't take care of themselves, okay? So... You know, and you can take care of yourself. Also, look both ways when you cross the street.

The Wizard: Billy Batson, I choose you as champion.

Shazam: You're the only person I know that knows anything about this Caped Crusader stuff.

Freddy Freeman: That's Batman. Can I?

Shazam: Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Freddy Freeman: [touches the lightning bolt on Shazam's costume]

Shazam: It's crazy, right?

Freddy Freeman: What're your superpowers?

Shazam: Superpowers? Dude, I don't even know how to pee in this thing!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Which particular sin are you, I wonder?

Mr. Sivana: [terrified] I'll give you anything! Money, the company, whatever you want!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: There it is. It's greed. Do you think all your money was worth anything? THIS is real power!

[Shazam exits a gentlemen's club while eating chicken wings]

Freddy Freeman: What'd you see? What'd you see? Were there boobies? You see nipples? W-Why aren't you talking?

Shazam: We're gonna need more money.

Freddy Freeman: Why? You were in there for, like, five minutes.

Shazam: Dude, they were very convincing!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Chosen one.

[Shazam turns around and sees Sivana]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: The so-called perfect man. Pure of heart. Flawless in every way.

[Sivana looks at Shazam's costume]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: What made you so worthy?

Shazam: I'm sorry, can I help, can I help... Do you want an autograph or something?

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Give me your power.

[Sivana removes his sunglasses, revealing the Eye of Sin as his right eye]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Or die.

Shazam: Oh, snap! You're like, a bad guy, right? Okay. Okay, okay, okay, look. Before this gets really stupid for you, you should know that I'm basically invincible. So you...

[Sivana punches Shazam in the stomach before doing an uppercut that sends him flying upward and crashing on a police car]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: The weapons of man draw no blood from our kind.

[Sivana zaps two police officers on his left]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: The only thing that extinguishes magic... is magic. Time to transfer your power to me.

[Shazam suddenly punches Sivana in the crotch]

Shazam: Oh, ho ho ho ho! Oh, you didn't see that one coming, did you, grandpa? Them's street rules.

[Shazam throws a punch at Sivana, but Sivana catches his fist and grabs him by the throat. He then flies up in the air with Shazam]

Shazam: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never should've punched you in the nuts like that. That was totally my bad! We can talk about this!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: You grovel like a child.

Shazam: That's because I am one. I-I'm a kid! You don't wanna hurt a kid, do you?

[Sivana punches Shazam down back to the city]

Shazam: I believe I can fly! I believe I can fly! I believe I can fly! Freddy said if I believe I can fly, then I can fly! So I believe! I believe! I believe! Okay.

[Shazam does a Superman flying pose]

Shazam: Superman! Superman! What arm is it? Why am I not flying? Please, I don't wanna die!

[Shazam closes his eyes before crashing on the road below. He then opens his eyes and discovers that he is floating]

Shazam: I'm floating!

[Shazam gets hit by a truck and falls off the freeway. Several drivers get out of their cars to see where Shazam fell, but he rises up]

Shazam: I can fly!

[Shazam is attacked by Sivana]

[Freddy sits alone at the cafeteria when the Breyer brothers appear]

Brett Breyer: What are you doing? Waiting for your imaginary BFF to show up?

Burke Breyer: Yeah.

[Burke grabs some of Freddy's food before elbowing him in the head. Freddy's siblings join him at the table]

Freddy Freeman: What are you guys doing here?

Mary Bromfield: Well, we're having lunch with you.

Freddy Freeman: But you guys have different lunch periods.

Mary Bromfield: Well, we made a very special arrangement.

Freddy Freeman: Darla, what's going on?

Darla Dudley: Why are you asking me?

[Shazam enters the cafeteria with some food]

Shazam: Freddy Freeman!

[all the kids see Shazam in awe]

Shazam: This guy taught me everything I know about being a dope superhero. True story. You should get some pointers from him.

[Shazam sits next to Freddy]

Shazam: What's going on, my best bud in the whole world? And also new kids that I'm meeting for the first time but seem very cool? Uh... I invited another friend. I hope that's okay.

[Superman arrives with some food and stands next to Freddy]

Freddy Freeman: Huh!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: [to Shazam] Do you know what it's like for a child to be told you'll never be good enough? No, you don't. What you said to me all those years ago made me realize who I really was. And you know something? I am not pure of heart.

[heads to the Orb of Sin]

Billy Batson: Hi. Um... I was supposed to get off at 30th.

The Wizard: Billy Batson.

Billy Batson: How'd you know my name?

The Wizard: I am the last of the Council of Wizards. Keeper of the Rock of Eternity.

Billy Batson: Oh... You're... that guy. Hey, listen, I don't have any money.

The Wizard: Do not patronize me, boy!

[the Wizard strikes the ground with his staff]

The Wizard: You are standing in the source of all magic. The Rock of Eternity. Seven thrones of seven wizards. But long ago, we chose a champion. And we chose recklessly. He used his power for revenge, releasing the Seven Deadly Sins into your world. Millions of lives were lost. Entire civilizations erased from existence.

[the Wizard walks around Billy]

The Wizard: That is why I vowed never to pass on my magic until I find one truly good person. Strong in spirit, pure in heart.

Billy Batson: Look, man, maybe this is magic, and, I don't know, but the people you're looking for, good, pure people, I'm not one of them. I-I don't know if anyone is, really.

The Wizard: You, Billy Batson, are all I have. All the world has.

[the Wizard strikes the ground with his staff in front of Billy]

The Wizard: Lay your hands on my staff.

Billy Batson: Gross.

The Wizard: And say my name so my powers may flow through you. I open my heart to you, Billy Batson. And in so doing, choose you as champion.

Billy Batson: Thanks.

[the Wizard strikes the ground again]

Billy Batson: Real sweet of you, mister, but I really gotta get going.

The Wizard: My brothers and sisters were slain by the Sins. Their thrones lie empty! My magic must be passed on. Now...

[the Wizard strikes the ground again]

The Wizard: Speak my name!

Billy Batson: I-I don't know your name, sir. We just met.

The Wizard: My name is... Shazam.

Billy Batson: [chuckles] Wait, for real?

The Wizard: Say it!

Billy Batson: Okay! Jeez.

[Billy places his left hand on the staff while the Wizard holds it with both hands]

Billy Batson: So just say it? Like... Shazam?

[Billy is struck by lightning]

The Wizard: Yes! Carry my name, and with it, you carry all my powers. The wisdom of Solomon, the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury.

[Billy gets up, now as Shazam]

Shazam: What happened to me? Why am... W-w-what did you do to me? What did you do to my voice?

The Wizard: You have been transformed to your full potential, Billy Batson. With your heart, unlock your greatest power.

[the Wizard hands Shazam his staff]

The Wizard: The thrones of our brothers and sisters await.

[the Wizard crumbles into dust, startling Shazam as he drops the staff and grabs his backpack]

Shazam: Get me out of here!

Shazam: Dude! Dude! Dude! Dude, did you see that?

Freddy Freeman: Yeah. You electrocuted a bus and almost killed these people.

Shazam: And then I caught it! Freddy, I caught a bus with my bare hands, man! I caught a bus like people catch fly balls. Like, who does that? I do that!

Freddy Freeman: Billy, you do nothing. You, you take selfies and make people pay you. You know, forget it. I can't really talk to you when you look like this.

Shazam: You just wish it was you!

Freddy Freeman: No shit! You think I wouldn't kill to have what you have? Because everything I do is, like, some desperate attempt to get people to notice me, to not feel sorry for me. I mean, look at me! Look at me! Do you even see me? Cause most people don't! Cause they don't want to. And now you don't, either. I mean, you think this is who you are? I mean, Billy, you're 14. And now you're no better than the Breyers. All this power, and all you did was turn into a show-off and a bully.

[Freddy walks away]

Shazam: Whatever, kid! I do what I want! And I'm like, mid-20s probably! Maybe even, like, 30.

[Billy arrives at his mother's apartment and knocks on the door]

Billy's Mom: Just a second.

[she opens the door]

Billy's Mom: Hey, look, I'm late for work already, all right? We don't need any magazines or whatever. Thanks, though.

Billy Batson: Oh, I'm not. You probably don't recognize me, but...

[Billy shows her his compass keychain]

Billy Batson: I found my way home. Mom. It's me.

Billy's Mom: Oh, God. Is it?

[Billy nods, then approaches to hug her, but she stops him]

Billy's Mom: Um... hang on.

[she closes the door]

Billy Batson: That wasn't Dad, was it?

Billy's Mom: No. Listen, son... It's really you, huh?

Billy Batson: I didn't mean to run away. You know that, right? I let go, but it was by accident.

Billy's Mom: Yeah, no. I know, yeah. I saw you.

Billy Batson: What?

Billy's Mom: I saw you after. So, it was never your fault. Look, I was 17, okay? And my daddy kicked me out. And your dad just decided not to be a part of anything. And I was hurting, and I was screwed up.

[pause]

Billy's Mom: Look, it's just once I saw you with the police, I realized they could do a better job taking care of you than I ever will. But you're good, right? I mean, you landed on your feet. Because, I mean, you look real good. It's just... now is not a really good time for me, Bill.

Billy Batson: All I wanted to do is... let you know I'm doing good, but I have to get back to my real family. Here.

[Billy gives her his keychain]

Billy's Mom: What's this?

Billy Batson: You might need it more than me.

[Billy walks away]

Billy Batson: Well, you wanted me to be a hero.

Freddy Freeman: Are you kidding? Okay, no. Old guy's up there harboring multiple spiritual entities. Plus, he has the same powers as you. Plus, I mean, he knows what he's doing. Plus, I mean, you're my best friend. I don't want you to die. All right?

Billy Batson: If a superhero can't save his family, he's not much of a hero.

[Billy walks towards Sivana]

Freddy Freeman: That was a decent catchphrase.

[Shazam removes the Eye of Sin off Sivana, trapping the Seven Deadly Sins within it]

Shazam: Here's a thing about power. What good is power if you got nobody to share it with?

Super Hero Mary: Nice.

Super Hero Freddy: Ta-da!

Super Hero Pedro: That's disgusting.

Super Hero Eugene: Fatality.

[laughs]

Super Hero Eugene: I got the voice!

[Shazam laughs when he suddenly starts staring at the Eye of Sin]

Shazam: What's that? I can have anything I've ever wanted?

[the siblings notice Shazam placing the Eye of Sin close to his face]

Super Hero Mary: Billy.

Super Hero Freddy,Super Hero Darla,Super Hero Pedro: No, no, no!

Super Hero Mary: Stop it! Stop it!

Super Hero Freddy: Don't look at that! Billy, don't do it!

[Billy laughs and points at everyone]

Shazam: Ah! You should hear yourselves!

Super Hero Mary: Not funny.

Shazam: What? You think I'm gonna put a demon ball in my head? That's disgusting.

Super Hero Eugene: That's funny. That's pretty funny. You got me going.

Super Hero Mary: Uh... Guys.

Shazam: What?

[Shazam notices the carnival crowd applauding them]

Shazam: Oh, hey.

Super Hero Darla: Oh, wow.

Shazam: All right, we did it! Hey, you guys are all safe. There's no more danger anymore.

Rosa Vasquez: Didn't even make it two days. Not even two days.

Victor Vasquez: Baby, we did our fair share of running off back then. At least, I did. Even Mary did it, twice. That second time she ran off, you said something that I'll never forget. You said, "It's not a home till you call it a home. It's something you choose." All we can do is give him a place full of love. Whether he chooses to call it a home, that's up to him.

[the car spins out of control while on the icy road]

Thaddeus Sivana (1974): I was just there. This man, this wizard, he took me to a castle and...

Mr. Sivana: Stop. Stop! Stop it! You miserable, whiny, little shit! You could have killed us! Do you understand that?

[deleted scene]

[the Marvel Family sit on the thrones at the Rock of Eternity]

Super Hero Mary: Guys, there's seven thrones. There's only six of us.

Super Hero Darla: Well, when he shows up, I'm gonna love him just like he's family.

[Dr Sivana wields the 7 Deadly Sins]

The Wizard: They're using you! You're nothing to them but a means of escape! Through you, they'll spread the poison to everything they touch! Make mankind turn into them!

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: You seek a pure soul, old man. But no one's worthy.

[Shazam takes Sivana to the Rock of Eternity]

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: I dedicated my life to getting here. I scoured the earth. No one believed me. No one helped. Not the wizard, not my family. I only had myself.

Shazam: I get it. I get what that's like. Feeling like you're all alone in the world...

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Stand.

Shazam: ...feeling like there's that one thing, if you could just find it, then you'd finally be good enough...

Dr. Thaddeus Sivana: Stand. The champion's name. Say it.

Freddy Freeman: [Freddy is trying to prove to the other students that he knows Shazam] Red Cyclone, hey! Hey, whats going on? Oh, that's crazy! Yeah, it's Freddy by the way. Yeah, its crazy! Great story.

Senior Girl: [a student snatches Freddy's phone from him] He's not talking to anyone.

Freddy Freeman: [the other children laugh at him and leave] I was! I was! We're friends. I know him, i do!

[Freddy is trying to prove to the other students that he knows Shazam]

Freddy Freeman: Red Cyclone, hey! Hey, whats going on? Oh, that's crazy! Yeah, it's Freddy by the way. Yeah, its crazy! Great story.

[a student snatches Freddy's phone]

Senior Girl: He's not talking to anyone.

[the other children laugh at him and leave]

Wizard: Thaddeus Sivana.

Thaddeus Sivana (1974): Who are you? How do you know my name?

Wizard: I am the last of the Council of Wizards, sworn to protect the realms from the Seven Deadly Sins. But years have passed, and I grow weak. I seek a champion to inherit my mantle.

Thaddeus Sivana (1974): You want me to do magic?

Wizard: With this, all my powers will become yours.

[taps his staff, and forms a magical image of a superhuman]

Wizard: But first, you must demonstrate that you are pure of heart, and strong of spirit.

[the Sins call out to Thad]

Wrath: He lies!

Pride: Don't be his champion!

Envy: We can give you power!

Wrath: Take the eye!

[Sivana sees the Eye of Sin]

Pride: Your father thinks you are weak. Show him your power...

[Sivana walks towards the Eye and nearly takes it]

Wizard: [stops Sivana] NO!

Thaddeus Sivana (1974): What? What happened?

Wizard: Only the purest of hearts can resist their temptations. And you will never be worthy!

[sends Thad back]

Ms. E.B. Glover: There's a couple outside, Mr. Batson. They run a group home.

Billy Batson: I can take care of myself.

Ms. E.B. Glover: When you're 18. Until then, I won't have you living on the streets looking for someone who never looked for you. Give these people a chance, because that's what they're giving you.

Billy Batson: SHAZAM!

Dr. Sivana: [bolds Billy's siblings hostage] Nice trick. Catchy. Mine has four words: kill the little girl.

Dr. Sivana: Gather the mutts!

[sends the Sins after Billy's siblings]

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